These are some of the jokes and material I have recieved through e-mail. Read them, enjoy them, comment on them, send me your own!
Why it takes a license to drive.
The Top 12 Signs You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal.
Why it takes a license to drive
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Now I lay me down to study,
I pray the Lord I don't go nutty,
And if I fail to learn this junk,
I pray the Lord I do not flunk,
And if I die, don't bury me at all,
Just lay my bones in the study hall,
And pile my books upon my chest,
And tell my profs I did my best,
So now I lay me down to rest,
And pray I pass tomorrow's test,
And if I die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.
The Top 12 Signs You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal
12. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper -- upside down!
11. Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken!
10. That foul smell, and you're not with your beer drinking buddies.
9. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.
8. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.
7. Everywhere you go, the bell! The bell!! THE BELL!!!
6. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves.
5. You keep hearing, "Oink oink," and there isn't a See'n'Say toy in sight.
4. After an ugly breakup with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove.
3. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie.
2. All 84 Caller ID entries read, "Babe"
and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal...
1. Note on your doorstep says, "We'll see who's laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!"
[ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
[ *To forward or repost, you must include this section.* ]
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Aquila's Jokes / X Aquila X / [email protected] / Last updated: March 04, 1998